One Small Thing I do to Tackle Sibling Conflict

Sibling conflict is painful to watch, hurts my ears, and tricky to navigate.

“You love _______ more than you love me.” “He's so rude I hate him!” “You are the worst sister in the world and you're not invited to my birthday party!”

Ouch, my heart my soul, and that last one… she lives with us so she's definitely invited to your birthday party. Conflict is inevitable when you live with other people and it can be a healthy and normal part of our children's development. That being said, I am up for anything that will reduce or create a different type of culture between siblings. There's something about the school holidays or any big chunk of time together that ramps up the sibling conflict in our house. So, post one of my children’ epic arguments, I had them create a kindness jar.

How I got them onboard:

“Wow, raise your hand if you feel like we have been in 1 billion fights today. I say we come back to this fight after we play Taylor Swift, “Shake it Off” and do something magical. Who's with me?” Lucky for me, they were both with me.

I first asked the girls to flip a coin and then I grabbed a jam jar, some liquid chalk markers, and the person who got heads picked which one they decorated first the jar base or the lid. I took equality one step further and even drew a line on the jar for this is your half and that's her half to decorate. Then the girls set to colouring. If I had my time over again, I would choose a different type of marker and not liquid chalk because it took ages to dry and my hands and their hands were covered until the next day.

The girls then cut up strips of paper. I had some heart-shaped post it notes so we popped that on the table with a pen and called it a day. I said, “any time you think that your sister is doing something you appreciate draw a picture or write a note and pop it in the jar. When the jar gets full we will read it at dinner. I know I really appreciate when you both are telling each other how you feel and what you need so if I see something I will be making sure to jot it down. Feel free if you appreciate something that you do go ahead and write that down as well.”

So far, they really like it. It definitely didn’t completely eradicate sibling conflict but starting dinner off with gratitude and appreciation is a nice change (of course after they fight over who gets to sit next to me).