Using Fair Play Cards to Simplify Your Holidays: A Couple’s Guide to Sharing the Festive Mental Load
The holiday season can feel like a whirlwind of shopping, cooking, decorating, and managing family dynamics—especially when one partner ends up shouldering the bulk of the work. If you’re looking for a way to level the playing field and share the load this year, the Fair Play system, created by Eve Rodsky, offers a simple yet powerful tool. These “Fair Play Cards” can help you and your partner divide holiday tasks fairly and thoughtfully, so that you both get to enjoy the magic of the season without burning out.
Here’s how to use the Fair Play system to create a stress-free, more enjoyable holiday season for both you and your partner.
What is the Fair Play System?
The Fair Play system is all about recognizing and redistributing the mental and physical load of managing a household. Created by Eve Rodsky, it involves a deck of cards that represent different tasks or responsibilities, ranging from big-picture projects like organizing the family holiday celebration to smaller details like buying teacher gifts.
The beauty of the Fair Play system is that it encourages both partners to actively participate in decision-making and task management, rather than one person doing it all. The goal is to ensure that both partners feel seen, supported, and fairly involved in the holiday preparations, which leads to less resentment, more connection, and—most importantly—more joy.
Step 1: Get the Fair Play Cards Or Make Your Own
You can purchase the cards online, or simply make your own list of holiday-related tasks that need to be managed. The key is to break down the holiday season into actionable tasks (like “buy presents,” “send holiday cards,” “decorate the house,” “plan the family meal”) and assign them to individual cards.
If you're using the official Fair Play deck, it comes with an easy-to-use guide on how to divide and delegate the responsibilities. But if you prefer a DIY approach, you can simply create your own set of cards based on the tasks that matter most to you as a couple.
Step 2: Sit Down and List the Holiday Tasks
Once you have your deck, it’s time to sit down with your partner and start listing out all the holiday-related tasks you typically juggle each year. This includes both big and small tasks—everything from shopping for gifts to handling travel arrangements to deciding how much to spend on holiday meals.
Here’s an example of what your list might look like:
Gift buying (family, friends, teachers, bosses)
Holiday decorations (indoor and outdoor)
Sending cards (addressing and mailing)
Planning meals (holiday dinners, cookie swaps)
Hosting family and friends (organizing, cleaning, managing guests)
Managing the kids (school events, gift shopping, after-school activities)
Travel planning (booking flights, packing, coordinating trips)
Charity & community service (volunteering, donations)
Special traditions (Elf on the Shelf, setting up the tree, baking cookies)
Write each of these down on separate cards—one task per card.
Step 3: Discuss & Delegate Tasks
Now comes the helpful part: deciding who takes on what. The key to making this system work is communication. Sit down with your partner and talk about which tasks each of you is willing to take on. Avoid judging each other on past experiences and recognise if the resentment is too intense seeking outside support might be really beneficial.
You may be surprised at how many tasks can be divided fairly, and this is where the magic happens. For example, maybe one of you loves to decorate the house and is happy to take that card, while the other prefers the task of organising the holiday meal or managing the guest list for parties. By being open and honest about your preferences, you’ll find a rhythm that works for both of you.
Some tips for dividing the cards:
Play to your strengths: Maybe you’re great at wrapping gifts, while your partner is a pro at cooking. Divide tasks based on what each of you excels at or enjoys.
Think about the bigger picture: Some tasks take more time or effort, so balance out the heavy-duty responsibilities with lighter ones. For example, handling travel arrangements may take longer, so perhaps that’s something both partners contribute to equally.
Clarify the details: For each card, it’s helpful to clarify what the responsibility involves. For instance, the "Gift Buying" card might involve not just purchasing presents, but also wrapping them and ensuring they’re delivered on time. The more granular you get, the less likely you’ll both end up double-doing tasks or forgetting important details.
Step 4: Honour the Cards & Communicate Openly
Once you’ve assigned the cards, it's time to honour them. The Fair Play system is all about ownership—each person is responsible for their set of cards. If something isn’t working for you, be sure to communicate that to your partner, and discuss whether it’s possible to renegotiate or shift responsibilities. Flexibility is key.
Keep in mind that the Fair Play system isn’t just about dividing the work; it’s also about respect. When you both take responsibility for your assigned tasks, it shows mutual respect and trust. It’s a way of saying, “I believe you can handle this, and I’m here to support you.”
Step 5: Celebrate Together
After all is said and done, remember the most important part of the holidays: enjoying your time together. With the stress of holiday prep shared more equally, you and your partner will have more time and energy to enjoy what truly matters: celebrating the season, making memories, and being present with your family.
By using the Fair Play cards, you’re not just lightening the load, you’re creating a partnership that values each other’s contributions and makes space for both of you to enjoy the holiday season without feeling overwhelmed.
Final Thoughts
The holidays can be a time of joy and connection—or a source of stress and frustration. By adopting the Fair Play system and using the cards to divide responsibilities, you can transform how you approach holiday prep and ensure that both you and your partner have an equal stake in creating the festive magic.
So, grab the cards (or make your own) and start the conversation. With a little planning, a lot of communication, and some good old-fashioned teamwork, you’ll both be able to enjoy the holidays in a way that feels fair, fulfilling, and fun.
Special consideration: please know that this time of year can be very loaded for a lot of people in a lot of different ways (childhood trauma, relationship wounds, loss, etc.). If something comes up for you when working on this, you are not alone. Sometimes doing these activities bring up important blocks and complexities for us individually and as a couple and seeking outside support can be really beneficial in these circumstances.
May your season be full of healing, balance, and support.